I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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