He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
