You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
