So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
