Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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