i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
