there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
