I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
