I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
