I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
