Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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