Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
