I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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