He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
