Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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