I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
