I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
