My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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