dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
