I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Randomize
