If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
