either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
