I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
