chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
