i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
