I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize