i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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