So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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