i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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