All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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