"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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