i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
