She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize