so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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