is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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