i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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