she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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