Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
