Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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