Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
