RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
