I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Holy shit dude........stairs
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
