i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize