if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
