the day after is always just damage control
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
