I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
