wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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