what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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