So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
