so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize