Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Bring me that man meat
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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