TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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