SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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