You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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