If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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