so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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