YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
