Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
