walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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