I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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