I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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