hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
