I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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