I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
