i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I wish i was in the wii world.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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