her vagine was all disorganized.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
