how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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