wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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