k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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