I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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