I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
