Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
