Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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