Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize