dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize