Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I understand Curling. That high.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Can I color on your dick again?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize