it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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