Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Randomize
