can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
