i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
