my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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