..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
