I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
