dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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