Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
