can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
