So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
