Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
