I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
