Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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