I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
