I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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