I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
