I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
