he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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