Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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