It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
