Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
