just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
