I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
