I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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