i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
